For 10,000 years, marriage has been forcing humans into a system we were never built for. Across cultures and history, the same pattern repeats: marriage appears, people struggle with it, and eventually it starts falling apart.
Marriage wasn’t created for love. It was designed to control wealth, property, and bloodlines. And in today’s world, that same old contract offers men almost nothing while exposing them to huge risks.
Let’s look at the history of marriage, including dark origins, our true pair-bonding instincts, and why marriage is in decline.
The Marriage Blues
It seems like almost everyone has the marriage blues these days. Marriage is unnatural to humans. We evolved for tribal living, not intense one-on-one relationships. You can still see that today in divorce rates and falling marriage numbers.
One example is Ana de Armas. Married briefly at 23, she later admitted she wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment. Now at 37, she’s childless. Her story reflects a larger pattern. Marriage doesn’t fit human instincts—and many can’t handle it.
Despite the romantic tales and legends, marriage was actually invented as a way to control property ownership and birth rights. So it’s no surprise most people struggle with it. Many men can’t handle it either, and crumble at the prospect.
Humans have been slowly adapting to marriage, especially in parts of the world where it’s been around the longest—like the Middle East and East Asia. In places like northern Europe, Australia, and much of Africa, it came much later. But today, marriage is breaking down everywhere. Men are walking away, and once you know the history, it’s easy to see why.
Human Instinct vs. Long-Term Bonding
“We’re a pair bonding animal. We have a drive to form a partnership, but that drive evolved for a reason—to have a child together and raise it through infancy. Once that’s over, the brain is free to form a partnership with somebody else.”
Evolutionary biologist Dr. Helen Fisher
In tribal societies, there was no concept of being trapped in a bad relationship. If things broke down, bonds ended. People lived in small groups, relying on many relationships rather than one. Long-term bonds only lasted as long as both sides benefited.
That didn’t mean all relationships were short. Some couples stayed together much longer. But only when both sides kept each other satisfied. Long bonds happened because they worked—not because anyone was forced to put up with a bad deal.
How Farming Created Marriage
When humans began farming, everything changed. Land and livestock became wealth. Families needed to control inheritance. Without formal systems, chaos followed—fights over land, illegitimate claims, social disorder.
Marriage stepped in as a solution. It locked women into exclusive contracts and secured paternity. Over generations, marriage hardened into family name, family property, and family honor. Societies that enforced marriage rules grew stronger. Those that didn’t fell behind.
Marriage forced two people to take on every role for each other—provider, companion, caretaker, and support system. And humans simply haven’t adapted for that kind of structure.
Marriage Tolerance Across Cultures
Some groups are better adapted to tolerate marriage than others. East Asians, shaped by centuries of rice farming, show lower divorce rates. In Japan and South Korea, around 25% of marriages end in divorce. In much of Europe, it’s over 40%. In African-descent communities in the West, 60% or higher.
There’s a reason for this. For centuries, East Asian families weren’t just living under marriage rules—they were shaped by them. Rice farming demanded it. This staple crop isn’t like wheat or cattle. Keeping a rice paddy alive takes steady labor from the whole family, season after season. That kind of pressure rewarded people who could stick it out, demonstrating persistence and long-term focus. Over generations, those traits became more common—not just as culture, but in how people are wired.
In northern Europe, agriculture arrived several thousand years after it first took hold in East Asia and the Middle East. Marriage developed alongside wheat farming and cattle herding. Social order was policed through inheritance laws and public labels like “bastard” for children born out of wedlock. Modern Europeans and white Americans show a middle level of marriage stability.
In much of Africa, formal marriage systems arrived even later. Wealth was traditionally measured in livestock rather than land, and family ties remained more flexible. That legacy is visible today. Births outside of marriage are common, especially in African-descent communities in the modern West.
Although some groups are better adapted to tolerate marriage, there’s a deeper truth here. Tolerance is not the same as enthusiasm. Even in East Asia, where unions are most stable and long-lasting, marriage rates are dropping. People may endure the system, but that doesn’t mean it makes them happy.
The Honeymoon Phase Explained
At the start of any relationship, human biology kicks in. Hormones like dopamine, oxytocin, and vasopressin create a dream-like bond. Small moments become emotionally charged. Neuroscientists have shown that early-stage bonding lights up the same brain areas as drugs and gambling.
But just like any high, it fades. Usually after a few years, the chemistry wears off. That’s when the real nature of each person emerges.
During the bonding phase, natural human instincts are deliberately suppressed. Men become more patient and attentive. Aggression and selfishness dial down. Women feel unusually loyal and focused on one partner. The instinct to look for a better deal fades into the background.
Selfishness and Relationship Tension
Every person carries traits designed for their own survival—selfishness chief among them. In marriage, that pull to put yourself first shows up everywhere: household duties, physical appearance, money, control.
Selfishness in marriage isn’t limited to one or two bad habits—it’s the constant pull to put yourself first. A man might withdraw from household responsibilities and focus on his own comfort. A woman might let her body go once she feels her position is secure. Both sides want control over money, time, and decisions. Disputes are inevitable because no two people value the same things equally.
Humans evolved to succeed as individuals inside a supportive tribe, not to lock themselves into one relationship for life.
Hypergamy and Female Dissatisfaction
If there’s one force driving modern marriage breakdown, it’s female dissatisfaction. Women initiate around 70% of divorces in Western countries. And most aren’t because of abuse or crisis. It’s because women feel they can do better—emotionally, financially, or sexually.
Hypergamy, the instinct to seek a higher-value mate, was once checked by religion, social pressure, and legal difficulty. Today, those brakes are gone. Feminism has pushed distrust toward men, encouraged direct competition, and feminised men in ways that make them less appealing.
The result is predictable: high divorce rates, falling marriage numbers, and rising avoidance on both sides.
Why Men Walk Away
No wonder that more and more men are walking away from long-term relationships with women. Once you see the full picture, it’s simple. Marriage was always difficult. Now it’s loaded entirely against men.
In the past, marriage offered some reliability. Women stayed. Men could trust that their efforts wouldn’t just be destroyed overnight. Now, that trust is gone. Women feel free to leave whenever dissatisfaction sets in.
And the legal system hasn’t kept up. Divorce lawyers and family courts strip men of wealth, turn custody into adversarial battles, and enforce a contract that offers men no upside—only risk, waiting to be triggered.
Returning to old ways isn’t possible. People today live disconnected from extended family and tribe. Just two people, locked into a deal designed centuries ago for property control—not for happiness.
For men especially, marriage isn’t just fragile. It’s a bad deal.
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